Travelling

As with the rest of the world at the moment, I haven’t done much travelling of late, except for the journeys to and from work and the necessary trips to the shop and appointments.

But in my head I’ve been to exotic places, far flung beaches, watching the waves caress the shore, feeling the sand beneath my feet. It is difficult in this current climate to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I find myself getting more and more exasperated at the people breaking the rules, seeming not to know how to wear a face mask properly, not knowing what 2 metres looks like despite the various indicators on the ground, I find myself people watching more than I used to, although this seems to just lead to me feeling more and more annoyed at them so for my own sanity I have decided to stop doing this, to focus on me more.

My mental health still isn’t the best but I am managing, there is a lot going on in my personal life right now and it is testing me as it has many times before and I honestly don’t know how I will get through it this time but I will give it all I have and see where the chips fall.

In the midst of all this chaos I had a kind of epiphany, a kind of future dream of a different life, one which somehow seemed crazy but completely right and something that I have never been more certain of in my entire life. I don’t know how long it will take me to reach it, nor do I currently have the resources I need to achieve it, but I know with every fibre of my being that it is what I want, perhaps people will think it is me running away from things, hiding away from the world and maybe it is to a certain extent, I know that you can’t run away from things, that you have to face them or they will chase you for the rest of your life and facing them is something I am currently trying to do, whilst still clinging to my sanity at the same time.

At the moment I am going with the flow, trying not to look on the negative side and focus on the positive (something for me which is very difficult) Tomorrow will be one of those points, it will either be a hurdle I get over and carry on to the next or it will one of those breaking points, the point that knocks me on my backside yet again and it is hard not for me to believe it will be the latter, but I am mentally preparing myself for that outcome as much as I can and hoping just this once fate is kind to me. But if it is the other outcome then so be it, I will do what I always do, find the way through, the way to travel forward and try not to look back anymore.

My future is in my hands and it is up to me what I do with it, how I let events shape me, I can either let them drag me down or I can keep journeying upwards with the defiant stubborn streak of mine firmly in control. Whatever the journey or the path that lies ahead, I know that my writing will be one of the constants that keeps me going along with good friends and a wonderful man who puts up with my craziness, I know that this time I am not alone, I have an army at my side as long as I remember to call on them for help when I need it.

Until next time x

M J