The Chink in the Darkness

I know many friends who struggle with the darkness, black dog, depression or as one particularly enterprising practitioner named it…low mood. Yes low mood, the name depression gets when someone doesn’t want to say the “D” word. I too have suffered from it, still do to some extent but not to that horrible extreme that I want to hide away from the world under a duvet or take my own life, well not anymore anyway or should I say not at the moment?

I guess this weeks blog is more of a shout out to others, I know writers and creative people tend to be cursed with depression apparently more so than other people and this is for anyone who knows me who suffers from this horrible affliction and doesn’t think anyone is listening, or wants to listen. It is to tell you…

“I AM LISTENING”

“I AM HERE”

Now I know my journey is probably somewhat different to yours, we all have our own demons we face down everyday, our own anxieties, our own worries but there are several things we will have in common and I know your head has gone there because I hear it time and again, from other sufferers and even from myself when I was at a particularly low ebb many years ago and I want to let you know…

“YOU MATTER”

“YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN”

I know that you may find it hard to see that light, that chink in your darkness, but I also know that you see the shadows it casts more than the light itself, the shadow that says to you “Your family would be better off without you” , “You are a burden on your friends, your family” , “No one wants to hear how much you are struggling” “Who wants to be around someone who is sad all the time?”

The answer to your question is… your friends and your family want to

They do, they want to hear it, they want to help you, you just have to let them in.

I know it is easy to shut that door, to hide away from the world and sometimes it is hard to see a way out. But there is a chink of light in all that darkness and that is the people that matter and importantly…you. Be your own chink of light, if you cannot reach out to friends or family, be your own light in the shadows, stand up and say I need help. I need someone who gets it.

I can safely say you are not alone in how you think or feel, there are many people who have been in similar shoes to yours.

One saying I hate is when people say “those who commit suicide are selfish”

They are anything but… they are usually thinking one of two things…”They don’t want to be in this darkness that overshadows them anymore” because ultimately they believe they are all alone there and secondly… “that they won’t be a burden on those they love anymore”

So I am here to say to any of my friends or family or colleagues out there who are feeling or thinking like this, please reach out to me or to someone else because I guarantee you this world would be so much dimmer without you in it and those you would leave behind would always carry the burden of wishing they had seen it coming.

The darkness might seem all consuming and I know it is hard to pull yourself free but it’s time to stand up and fight…fight for you and let us stand with you

I stand with you.

(And if you really don’t feel up to talking to me or anyone close to you, please talk to one of these people)

Samaritans – for everyone Call 116 123 Email jo@samaritans.org

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day Visit the webchat page

Papyrus – for people under 35 Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm Text 07786 209697 Email pat@papyrus-uk.org

Childline – for children and young people under 19 Call 0800 1111 – the number won’t show up on your phone bill

The Silver Line – for older people Call 0800 4 70 80 90