Just Breathe

Well this week’s blog hasn’t been going exactly to plan, mainly because my brain is being pulled in so many different directions, I have forgotten to heed my own words and just breathe for a minute.

So here goes…”Just Breathe” ahhh that’s a bit better. I have to admit, I am a tad stressed out this week and finding it hard to focus on a number of things that are rattling around in my brain.

Deadlines looming, a pitiful bank balance that’s threatening to overshadow everything I have been working very hard to achieve and just the usual every day stresses that every one else goes through are taking it’s toll a bit, but I am attempting to defiantly smile at it and have even (to quote a childhood favourite saying) blown a raspberry at myself in the mirror. Which instantly made me feel silly and made me laugh so that helped enormously.

No it didn’t change the figures on my bank account and no I still have a deadline looming, but at least for a few minutes I forgot about it.

Just breathing for a minute, forgetting about everything else and concentrating on just being still for a few minutes help me to remind myself who I am, that I have a goal in all this craziness, that there is less than a year left of my degree, that I am finally achieving my goals in my writing that I have wanted to for so long.  Yes I have the usual bouts of not feeling worthy of any of it, that people are going to realise their mistake and that I need to go right back to the drawing board in both my degree and my writing, but then I can almost hear Bob screaming at me in particularly to the latter saying “Oi! We have not been walking this path for this long for you to go all shy on me, and in any case if anyone else thinks its rubbish, just do it for you, who cares?”

I guess that is the problem, I do care. I care a great deal and I shouldn’t because it turns me into a massive emotional wreck. I wish I could heed my own words more, I should write because in my heart I have always wanted to do it, it has always been there deep down inside. I should dig in and carry on with my degree regardless of the financial stress because I have never felt more at home on a career path than right now. It feels right, I am making a difference not just to others but to myself. I have grown so much since starting this journey, I feel like I know me more.

The people I look after and the people I work with have helped me reflect and realise just who I am and what matters to me, I just have to remind myself of this more.

I need to remember to breathe, everything else will work itself out. This journey is certainly worth a bit of turbulence along the way.