I Am A Writer

I found this image awhile ago and it instantly resonated with me. Ever since I have been feeling and thinking more and more like a writer. I even openly talk about my writing now with people, even drop it into conversation which is not something I used to do. But why not? Why didn’t I talk about it? Was it the shyness in me not wanting to talk about something I have always been passionate about because of the fear of being ridiculed for it? For people to then want to actually read my writing and the equal fear of it not being good enough for anyone else but me?

I’ve always had this desperate need to be liked and for what I do to be seen as worthwhile, maybe it’s because I never wanted to feel like I was wasting my time trying and didn’t want to be billy no mates all the time.  And yet recently something has changed. I am not doing these things for other people I am doing it for me. I am happy being me, I don’t mind being alone and I am comfortable in my own skin (although I do wish I was a bit thinner – doesn’t everyone?).

I think and breathe words now, there isn’t a day that goes by in which my mind doesn’t switch into writer mode. I’m thinking about story ideas, characters; those irritating quandaries when you don’t know whether to take a character or a story in one direction or the other. Even stuck on what on earth to name a particular key character in my new fantasy series as well as whether I should completely restart The Calling from scratch just because I hate editing with a passion so much.

I am looking at the world as a writer, more and more, wondering what my different fantasy/sci fi realms would be like as an observer. It would be amazing to have a virtual reality headset that could tap into my imagination and instantly transport me to my worlds and write it down for me with a mere thought. I’d walk past the fortified walls of East Haven and wind my way through the myriad of streets past the Shendali market vendors and maybe stop off for a Frog Hopper or two in the Broken Tap.

Perhaps this is why I am struggling with my sci fi novel editing as my mind is so full of ideas and story arcs for my fantasy series it is difficult to switch back to the world of Alladria when Ereden comes calling.

I listened to a young 12 year old girl say “Just enjoy the words” when she was asked what she would tell her younger self before she became a spelling bee champion and I realised she was right. And now that is exactly what I am doing.

I am enjoying the words, I am smiling at the thought that now I feel like an actual writer and more importantly, now I believe it.