A Tough Day

Today has been a mixed bag kind of a day. It started with oversleeping, finding my car frozen on the inside and the outside but got a bit better in the middle before going sideways again later on.

My penultimate placement day went well and I am really going to miss everyone when I leave tomorrow and maybe it’s this roller coaster of emotions that got to me today. I found myself thinking a lot about Emily, partially I guess because so many of my friends are having babies, which is such wonderful news and I am so happy for them all. I can hear my biological clock ticking loudly and stirred with thoughts of Emily who this year would have been four it began opening that box I try and keep shut most of the time.

Music has been a good crutch for me over the years but Radio 2 playing Somewhere Over The Rainbow on my drive home was not the crutch I was looking for (anyone who attended Emily’s funeral will understand that one). Music and words can be such a powerful combination that can invoke so many different emotions.

Sometimes just a line can do it, take Emeli Sande “Read All About It”

“I want to scream til the words dry out” Pretty much said how I was feeling back in 2012 when my world got turned upside down.

Crazy as it sounds even the words to Let it go took on a new meaning to me with my miscarriages, almost summing up the inner turmoil that I was feeling, trying to hold it all in and failing, that storm that was raging in my emotions and the line “here I stand and here I’ll stay” somehow giving me the strength to shut that big box of crazy meltiness once more and carry on.

But I still play them and enjoy listening to them because they remind me of my journey.

I can remember listening to Jon Bon Jovi’s ‘It’s my life’ when I was younger and thinking “Hell yes I’m quitting my job tomorrow!”

Such is the power of words and music together.  They can shape our futures, pull us back from the edge of darkness and set us back on the right road. If only I can do that in my writing then that would be priceless.